I never remember any jokes but this one was short enough so I didn’t forget it.

In the distant future The D will ask his wife :

“Honey, how many men have you slept with?”

“Seven”

“Am I the seventh?”

“No, you are the fourth!”

P.S. Song of the day updated accordingly.

Once in a while I try to search for the links to my blog. I like to know who has time to read this stuff or liked it enough to link, email or even add it to their Google Reader. Apparently no search is comprehensive and I keep finding new links all the time. The other day, while looking through my stats I found another blog that links to mine under the heading “Blog Friends, Art and Food”. I am pretty sure that I don’t belong in “art”, so now I am left to ponder whether I am a “blog friend” or a “food”. This gave me an idea: I’d like to know my admirers. If you linked to me but never commented, or my blog shows up in your RSS feed (i.e. Google Reader, etc.) this is your time to shine. Wow, I couldn’t come up with any non-cliche sentence to say what I just said (today is your day? come out of the shadows?). Please leave a comment so I know who you are.

I originally started this blog to waste time, meet people and have my own female groupies. While the last part didn’t work out so well, I do successfully waste a lot of time and I did meet some interesting and weird people. Why not add yourself to my growing list of imaginary friends? Of course if you are my female groupie, skip the comment section and contact me directly right away. I’ll be here waiting…

Secret Friend
Why not make yourself
Known

 Some time ago I had a friend. She was beautiful and smart, funny, vibrant, with great sense of humor and an attentive listener. I cherished our moments together when we met for a drink and a conversation. Then I had to open my big mouth… Needless to say that our short-lived friendship is now a warm memory, another friendship ruined by my inability to shut up. But this is not a post about memories, it’s about pickles. Not your regular brownish-green vinegary mouth-puckering pickles. It’s about bright-green, crunchy, slightly salted pickles that taste fresh, slightly garlicky and with a hint of dill - pickles of my childhood. The closest thing to these that can be found in your regular grocery store is the Claussen Pickles but they are a far cry from the real thing. Rarely you can find excellent Ba-Tampte Half Sours usually in the kosher refrigerated section. For a better version head on to the Russian Store, they are sold by weight at the counter (grab yourself a couple of pickled apples and tomatoes while you are there).

My friend was one of the very few people who actually managed to find a present I liked. It was a package of pickling spices.

In the absence of pre-made spice mix I always use dill weed (fresh or dry) or dill seed, lots of garlic, some black peppercorns, maybe a hot pepper (be careful how hot), if you have cherry leaf or two, a horseradish leaf (which I’ve never seen sold here) and a few bay leaves.

Yesterday after a downtown lunch I stopped by the City Market and bought about 5 lbs of fresh pickling cucumbers. These are not gigantic-looking things sold in Wal-Mart, they are small, light-green,bumpy and crunchy. In this area they are available only during the summer. I brought them home and soaked them in the kitchen sink to let all the dirt come loose.

From there on the process is simple - wash the cucumbers and put them in the jar, adding garlic and spices at the same time. The hard part is to guess the amount of salt. The general rule of thumb is 1 tablespoon of salt dissolved in 1 liter (quart) of warm water, I think it has to be a regular tablespoon heaping with salt. It doesn’t have to be extremely salty, maybe slightly saltier than you’d like to taste. The whole point is to keep the fresh taste and crunchiness and not to over-salt the pickles. Fill the jar to the top, cover and leave on the counter. You can start tasting the pickles the next day or two. When they reach desired taste, place them in the refrigerator.

They are good with any food or drink, a hot dog, a sandwich, a shot of vodka or just by themselves. They are good when you are thinking about great friends you chased away because the crunching noise in your head overcomes any thoughts. And then it’s just you and the pickle. And this song….

When people ask me what do I want for such-and-such occasion the answer is always the same - nothing.  I don’t want any presents, gift cards or cash. Do not spend hours in the mall lovingly picking something for me- I will not like it. I can buy something for myself; it will be exactly what I want and I will probably get a better deal. As always no one listens to me and I end up uncomfortably smiling and thanking the presenter for the “best (whatever item) I have ever seen”. Sooner or later the “best item ever” finds its way to a donation pile or  a garage sale. Several times in the past people who gave me presents decided to follow up and ask me if I am still using their special whatever. Since I probably don’t have it and long forgot about the present, the presenter and the occasion it was given to me on, I am forced to come up with some b.s. cover story while cursing myself for not refusing the present at the first time. I am not sure if I am alone in this. Lets find out.

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Not that long ago a person’s love for technology required substantial physical strength. Nowadays anyone can show up on a date carrying a laptop or an iPod. Here is what it would have looked like about 25 years ago.

It was so long ago that this guy

still looked like this:

More old cutting edge technology can be seen here (ignore the Russian text).

When I was growing up© the ultimate summer non-alcoholic drinks were kompot and kvas. Kompot is a fruit drink made by boiling available fruits with sugar and then letting it chill. I am not sure if there is any recipe for a kompot, almost any imaginable fruit and berry can be used. Apples, peaches, plums, pears, strawberries, blueberries and especially sour cherries make the most delicious drink in about 20 minutes. Just cut the fruits (you don’t even have to peel the apples if you don’t feel like it) and add all of the ingredients to the pot of water. It still should be mostly water, it’s a drink not a meal. When it boils, add sugar to taste. Cover and cook for 10-15 minutes - no need for the fruits to disintegrate. Turn the heat off and leave covered to cool down. Kompot is the best when chilled and it only gets better after a day or two. In winter dried fruits can be used but dried fruits sold in this country are infused with sulfur dioxide to make them more presentable which coincidentally kills their taste.

Kompot tastes so good that people used to preserve (can) it for winter when not too many ingredients were available. It’s not some colored chemical compound that kids drink nowadays. Give it a try, you won’t go back!

Soon I will be making kvas and will post about it then.

I don’t have much commentary for these, after all I am not winning any caption-writing contests.

I know you are proud proud of some nation, but which one is it?

This one was just there. I know, I know.

Some of us looked a lot better before we evolved.

My kid gave me a look for taking this picture around the Times Square.

Times are tough, not everyone can afford designer drugs. Independence - to the rescue.

This van was spotted in Gloucester, MA where there is actually a large candidate pool for this line of work.

Every time I visit my friends and relatives on the East Coast the question I am being asked the most is “when will you finally move here”. I have to admit that it’s a pretty tempting idea that ocasionally visits me since I moved to Kansas City almost 16 years ago.

After all they have things like:

Broadway

Nathan’s Hot Dogs and PotatoE Balls:

Skyline, Empire State Building and The Statue of Liberty

Astroland at Coney Island

Ocean with $2,000,000 condos facing it.

Mermaids

Russian Stores and Restaurants

People who mastered parallel parking

So why do I come home every time to the city that doesn’t have any of it? Maybe that’s the reason - it doesn’t have any of it.

I am back and resting after a long vacation. I slowly caught up with hundreds of posts in my Google Reader and will spend the near future sorting through over 600 pictures I took. In the meantime I’d like to award Dave from Kansas City Lunch Spots for my favorite caption to this picture:

Sorry Tony, you’re gonna stay in there until the Mayor walks by and that’s that.

Dave will receive a valuable prize in the amount of 1500 miles to subscribe to a magazine(s) of his choice as soon as he emails me.

I am also awarding a “Young Caption Writer Encouragement Award” to Pom, so she can gather her courage and wit and win the next contest. She will receive 500 miles for a subscription of her choice. As always:

If you have never picked your own blueberries you are missing out on a local treasure. The blueberry season is only starting so plan on going soon. I recommend going on a weekday when you will be surrounded by stay-at-home-moms and retirees. On weekends it gets very crowded. Check the picking report before you go and don’t forget the sunscreen.

I will be back soon just in time to be invited to try out your blueberry pie.