I haven’t done this for a while:

Undecided?

And the prize for the biggest penis sign goes to (drum roll) Julia Lynn for State Senator. She wins by a skin an inch small margin.

If I had a religion I would be switching it right now. You probably can’t read this sign photographed at a local Backyard Burgers restaurant but it says:”FREE 1/3 BYB (backyard burger) with church bulletin”. Last time I went to a synagogue I didn’t even get a free bagel. For those keeping a score: Jesus – 1, other deities – 0.

Continue reading →

Five Guys Burgers and Fries – decent food priced right. Small cheeseburger (which is actually normal size) and a  ton of fries is more than enough for a hefty lunch. Free all-you-can-eat peanuts and fries are made in peanut oil. Stay away if you have allergies, otherwise not bad for the money.

Burrito Bros.- Burrito can be split in two for a light(er) lunch, only half of a burrito is photographed below. I wish they had an option similar to Chipotle’s burrito bowl. Very nice reasonably priced locally-owned lunch spot.

Reviews courtesy of a human junk food disposer.

Continue reading →

“We had no housing to speak of, we had no cars to speak of, we all wore the same clothes”
Anya Von Bremzen

It rained communism and income redistribution.

In dim light reluctantly released by the Government so the citizens wouldn’t bump into each other I was schlepping to kindergarten. It was 5 in the morning. I turned 5 just few months before and my sleeping in days were long gone. The System wouldn’t let me stay in bed past 7 for the next sixty years, when it will spit out my chewed up and worn out shell of a body patched up like Frankenstein monster by the torture they called free medicine.

I looked around. Zombie-like builders of communism were slowly moving past me. Same clothes, same faces, empty eyes. Years of being fed just bread and fat-free ideology drained the will to live out of people. At night, when the curtains were closed and my parents covered up the listening devices, they whispered about something they called meat.  Once a year they tried to recreate meat out of contraband mayo and turnips. It was horrible but we stunned our taste buds with vodka to make it palatable.

It was early spring but one couldn’t tell just by looking at the Communist-controlled weather. Behind the barbwire fences, system’s functionaries, the apparatchiks,  were frolicking in the sun and warmth. We got what was left.  Used air contained hardly any oxygen. I stopped to take a deep breath.

The International Women’s Day – a holiday celebrating heavy women in cotton-stuffed waist jackets, head scarves and year-round galoshes was approaching. Communist cell in the kindergarten was preparing a concert where like trained monkeys we would attempt to entertain these never-smiling representatives of the weaker gender. Weaker? I evil-laughed on the inside, grinding my teeth. My face remained stoic and expressionless.

I was assigned to perform a Russian folk dance. The System knew I was Jewish and it was their way of putting and extra-painful twist on the torture that was dancing. My head yearned to be covered. My feet were itching to break out in Freilach. I craved gefilte fish even though I didn’t know what gefilte was. Or fish. Instead I found myself standing next to a girl, dressed in a Russian shirt and shorts. It was so cold inside that even ever-present Lenin’s portrait on the wall was covered with frost. My legs were slowly turning blue to match the shorts.

When the music started the headmistress’s eyes told me I had to smile and dance or I will be forced to read Das Kapital while marching around the room for the fifth time in a month. My smile felt like a grimace and my dance moves were awkward, but I couldn’t bring myself to read about the plight of the proletariat one more time.

Scary women in the audience did not smile anyway. They just didn’t know how. After the performance the teachers force-fed us disgusting chocolates filled with Marxism and Leninism. I willed myself not to gag. This came useful later when I lived on the streets of New York doing anything for a buck. Just like Marx predicted.

Standing there ashamed and smeared with chocolate, in a room where one could cut ideology with a knife, I had a dream that I, I someday will tearfully tell about my hardships to the American press and be quoted in every article about Russia.

Fucking Anya Von Bremzen.

Continue reading →

One picture is worth….

• So “DOOs” are a good thing? I hate to see the “DON’Ts”. Some MO state park employee got paid for this.

And on the subject of DOO’s.

• If you ever wanted a scale with an opinion, this one is for you. Currently the display says “UH-OH”, you must be getting heavier. If you continue gaining weight, the scale will just make a disgusted face and possibly puke. Cut out from the sales flier.

• You may be able to read this billboard now, but the only way you can do it from your car is if you crash right into it. Too bad that would be after “the bad things happen”. This one is located at the merge of I-35 and 71 HWY.

• I wonder if this car ever parks by KFC.

• Few more from my growing license plate collection.

• This one required a second look to decipher. Does it actually say “Our 4 little ones?”. I guess this pattern would work up to and including 9 little ones.

Happy holidays Thanksgiving!

Continue reading →

Attention: Read Important Update 

Attention: Read Another Important Update

Following the Supreme Court ruling in Comptroller v. Wynne Kansas residents are allowed to amend their taxes and claim a refund of the amount of the Kansas City, Missouri Earnings Tax that was previously double-taxed. Just so it’s clear, you are not getting a refund from Kansas City, Missouri, but from the State of Kansas which previously didn’t allow the Earnings Tax to be subtracted from taxable income which resulted in the now illegal double-taxation.

On August 10, 2015 Kansas Department of revenue issued the following instructions:

 Generally, the statute of limitations for amending taxes is 3 years, so with some exceptions the eligible years are 2012, 2013 and 2014, with the deadline for amending the 2012 taxes set in April, 2016.

As of this writing the commercial tax preparation programs have not been updated to reflect this change and they are not likely to be in a rush.

After consulting with an accountant and checking Kansas Tax forms online I have decided to pay a professional to refile my forms; this is a rare case when I think doing it myself is not worth the hassle. Also keep in mind that it’s likely that the amount of the refund will be taxed on the federal level in the year you will receive it.

Knowing that Kansas is broke I wouldn’t recommend waiting too long to do this. I am sure everyone who files will get their refund eventually, but it may be a while, especially for the late filers.

Important Update: 

I finally had my taxes reviewed by a professional and the additional refund wasn’t nearly as much as I expected. Even though the State of Kansas now allows you to claim local taxes on your return, they still fall under the category of taxes paid to other states and there is a limit to how much credit you can get. The limit is calculated using this worksheet:

If you already claimed maximum credit allowable on line 6, you are out of luck. So my suggestion is before you spend money or time trying to amend your taxes, run your numbers through this worksheet and see if it’s even worth the effort.

Another Important Update:

I received a response from the State of Kansas to my amended return where adjustment wasn’t granted. When I called to follow-up, it turned out that they also require a copy of Missouri return and a copy of Kansas City, MO form RD-109NR which actually is not required for taxpayers whose earnings tax is withheld automatically so you probably don’t have it. I downloaded and filled out the form and faxed it over together with my Missouri return. We’ll have to see what happens next.

*I am not qualified to give tax (or any) advice, so please do your own research or consult with a trained professional.

Continue reading →