Foreigners usually have several complaints about Americans: they are disingenuous, they are obnoxious and they snitch. I think the first two are a simple misunderstanding: in English greetings “How are you” and “How do you do” do not literally mean that someone wants to know about you. Yet many people apply literal translation and don’t understand why the other person does not display a genuine interest in their response. I can’t recount how many times I’ve heard about American “fake” smile; people smile at you and then go back to not smiling a second later, to many people this indicates a mechanical nature of the smile and no emotional connection. In other countries people don’t smile at each other just because, so at first it may seem strange. I don’t have a problem with it, however I don’t get why Americans have to smile on every damn photograph. I understand that thousands of dollars in dental work need to be justified, but sometimes it just seems unnatural and not corresponding to the background. Here is my advice, try not to say “cheese” sometimes, you’d be surprised with the results.
Snitching is the part of the American culture I don’t understand. I am not talking about being a witness to a crime, calling 911 or otherwise helping the authorities when warranted. I am talking about petty stuff when your co-workers are happy to turn you in to your boss (I was fired from my first job for a fight that wouldn’t have been known to the management if not for some helpful a-hole named Skip), or your neighbors call your landlord (it happened to me about a month into my American life, and happened for no reason), or your class-mates snitch on you to the teachers. Where I come from snitching was a big taboo, it was encouraged by the government so people who were known to do this were shunned and ostracized. People still did it but mostly anonymously and it was not something to be proud of, especially if you were a kid.
After 16 years in this country it’s hard to surprise me, but I didn’t know what to think when last week a teacher called me to report that someone copied the test from my child’s work, and while she is not in any trouble, the perpetrator was taken to the purgatory principal’s office and they have to inform me about the investigation. I thanked the teacher and did a little investigation of my own. I copied my share of tests but being an A-student people mostly copied from me. Sometimes it bothered me, most of the time it didn’t but I have never ever took it to the teacher. I think I even had my grades reduced because the teacher found identical tests and didn’t care/realized it was useless to investigate who copied from whom. Even then I didn’t snitch. One grade wasn’t worth a lifetime of bad reputation.
Turns out my child claims not to have noticed anything but some other kid apparently thought it was his duty to turn the copier in. My daughter thought it was appropriate since it was some important state exam, and “the government is looking at these tests”. I was really bothered by that, being law-abiding and being a snitch are not the same thing. I told her to leave catching cheaters to the teacher and to mind her own business. Maybe that’s a part of growing up American, but that’s the part she would have to grow up without. Consider it my small drop into the melting pot.
I make a distinction between a neighborhood watch and driving around the neighborhood looking for building code violations and then turning them into the city officials. I don’t think that encouraging a kid to rat out his classmate for copying a test or saying a bad word is the same as asking to turn someone in for plotting another Columbine. I realize that there are situations when people neglect to report something to authorities which may lead to abuse or death. Still, a copied 6th grade test shouldn’t cause a knee-jerk reaction in a child. Later in life these are the people who email office gossip to their manager, these are the people who run neighborhood and condo associations harassing the residents, these are the “concerned citizens” who feel the need to “share” their idiotic concerns. I don’t think doing this makes for a good citizen and certainly doesn’t make for a good person in my book.
I hope my kid will grow up remembering that.
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11 responses so far ↓
1
midtown miscreant
// Oct 6, 2008 at 7:29 am
The north american tattle tale, also known by it’s scientific name Humongous Ass Kisser. Get ahead by sucking up and sticking your nose where it doesnt belong. We teach it early and we teach it often. I’d say you gave your girl sound advice. Great post.
2
Roy
// Oct 6, 2008 at 8:37 am
I agree with you about the snitching. Interesting to know Americans do it more often–in light of the growing “security” awareness, in fact it makes me nervous.
My son returned from Europe telling us Americans a.) are overweight and b.)smile too much.
3
m.v.
// Oct 6, 2008 at 8:40 am
Sometime last week I had a post about Americans and Europeans and there was a quote that the Europeans are getting fatter as well, not that it makes us look better or healthier but it seems to be the trend in many developed countries.
4
travel
// Oct 6, 2008 at 9:58 am
So true. I worked for a German company and knew their perception about the meaningless American How Are You Salutation. However, when these Europeans would come here on business, they put on their American persona and so one of the first things they would say after Hello was How Are You expecting the answer would be Good or Great or Fine.
One day I was feeling a bit mischievous and when asked How Are You by my German counterpart who was here on business, I replied I had my period, broke a tooth that morning and was completely miserable. I bit my lip and just stared into his eyes with a distressed look and didn’t say anything more. He was speechless. The look on his face was priceless. I finally burst out laughing and told him I was only kidding. Even though we knew each other very well, I don’t think he ever got the joke…lol
5
May
// Oct 6, 2008 at 10:56 am
I couldn’t agree more! I can’t stand people who get off on feeling in control of their life by getting other people in trouble for no reason. It’s total crap and petty, too.
6
Nuke
// Oct 6, 2008 at 11:18 am
Ugh, I see this all the time with my girlfriends kids (and my other friends). Any time you have 2 or more children in competition for an adults attention they seem to resort to tattling.
And I don’t remember seeing it taught, so maybe it is a cultural instinct. I think the best things for kids is to be honest when asked if somebody did something (like who set the cat on fire) but not go out of their way to rat out others fer little crap.
7
m.v.
// Oct 6, 2008 at 11:44 am
Nuke, all little kids do it, by the 6th grade it’s not the same because it’s deliberate.
8
Burrowowl
// Oct 6, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Sorry if I offended any oversensitive Europeans by acknowledging their presence with an expression that indicates “you being here is a good thing” and then went back to thinking about whatever it was that I wasn’t smiling about. My bad.
As for the informal request-for-status-report as a greeting, I think it’s perfectly valid. The problem is when people use it and then are unprepared for a non-dismissive response. When I show up and work and say “how’s it going” to a colleague on my way in, mostly I’m just being sociable. That said, a response of “holy crap, man, we’re swamped in there” is a useful and welcome response. If we’re swamped, my colleague says “alright, what’s up?” and I say “not much.” We’re all caught up and on the same page now, got a little social grooming in, and got back to work. Other times I get a response like “my mom’s got ovarian cancer,” and that causes a slight problem in that I was looking for a very brief drive-by conversation on my way to attend to an obligation. You can’t just brush aside a coworker’s dying mother without being a total douchebag, and now your morning is derailed.
Ah, the traps we set for ourselves.
9
Erin
// Oct 6, 2008 at 2:14 pm
My brother gave me excellent advice when I was in like, third grade. You’re smart. People are going to cheat off of you. They are stupid. You have to change your answers to make sure you don’t get caught because they are too dumb to do it.
I’d pass that along to your daughter. It worked well for me in high school and college. lol
10
Eric Bowers
// Oct 6, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Nothing’s worse than the “concerned citizen” nitwit who spends his or her spare hours fretting over the 1989 Toyota Camry parked on his or her nauseatingly upper middle class street of McMansion tract housing.
11
dumbwhore
// Oct 26, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Nuke, tattling isn’t typically encouraged vocally. It’s encouraged in the fact that the adults don’t punish the tattler. Instead they listen to the rat. Listening to a kid is really one of the most important feedbacks you can give them.
Meeshas right that this is a sociological thing. I’ve lived in other nations and there are places where no one helps the police or any authorities because they will get their asses handed to them.
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