Do you think state troopers hate when everyone slows down around them to 5 miles below the speed limit even when they are not on the prowl for offenders but just going to the nearest donut shop to get a dozen glazed? (Why the hell is the word “donut” not in my spellchecker, but the word “spellchecker” is?) On the other hand, every time you annoy a state trooper an angel gets a pair.
Have you ever tried to look at the top of your head, say, to figure out if you still have hair there or if it’s already an ever expanding bald spot? Seems like it requires a two-mirror solution and lots of neck contortions.
And speaking of bald spots: if you ever see me sporting this haircut, I hereby give you permission to put me out of my misery. Just print out this post and do what you have to do. It will totally stand up in court.
I don’t remember giving anyone a permission to use my image for any purpose…
That’s the reason god told men to cover their heads – he was tired of seeing the reflections.
Why kill you, why not just shave you… in fact, why don’t we do that now.
I believe that haircut is called “The Terry Bradshaw”
The knuckledraggers that made your spellcheck may have only included “doughnut” instead of “donut.” It’s like the immortal struggle between “catsup” and “ketchup.”
Going home one night last week I shared a little space with a Jackson County Sheriff on his way home (I think). He actually got to play the role of that annoying asshat in traffic that changes lanes like 5 times to end up 2 car lengths from his original position in the line. And ya know what Mr Officer? It was because when you come up behind Joe Public at 10-15 MPH over the limit in your “work” vehicle Joe feels all guilty and slows down, screwing us all over.
Ahhhh I feel better. As for the haircut, I promise I’ll staple a hat to your head. If you are injured you can choose not to press charges. If you’re dead I will still have to go thru the hassle of a trial to prove it was a mercy. The Nukester can’t afford that much time off!
“Have you ever tried to look at the top of your head”…seriously, wtf? What’s next, an in-depth profile of your navel? I’d chide you further, but I worry that you’ll retreat further into the past, where you live as Russian immigrant gentleman farmer deep in the corn belt considering a run for local political office, but can’t square it with your dislike of…others. Where was I? You had a promising start with the trooper issue and why do people slow down. (The answer is guilt. People carry an amzing amount of guilt around so they reflexively cower in the face of authority. Except me, who glides blithely by, unencumbered by such primitive emotions.) Where was I? Oh yeah, your parenthetical remark “(Why the hell is the word “donut” not in my spellchecker, but the word “spellchecker” is?)” you should’ve run with(totally meta). No wonder you’re blog-weary. You’re swinging at pitches way outta the strike zone and holding off on those pitches you could drive deep. I have more baseball analogies ready, too.
I know why people slow down, I want to know if it pisses off the state troopers. Also your car cannot be mentioned in the same sentence with the word “glide”. As far as looking at the top of my head, yes, this issue is relevant to me;and, yes, the same technique would work for other hard-to-observe areas. Lastly, there is only so much baseball crap I can tolerate.
Are you positive it’s not a flesh-colored yamulkah???
My dad’s a cop and he hates people who drive under the speed limit when they see his car. Actually makes him more likely to pull them over if they do something stupid like forgetting to use a turn signal than if they were going 5 miles over the speed limit.