The infamous portal to the netherworld, otherwise known as a pothole located next to the property tax-free oasis on the Admiral Street in Kansas City, Mo has finally been dealt with. It has entered the fifth and final stage of the pothole life-cycle: the metal plate cover-up (other stages are: birth, neglect, warning sign, and barricade). The metal plate is a permanent stage and no further development is expected.

The plate is artfully decorated with custom lettering where the top line reads “K.C.W.D” and the the bottom line can only be read with a mirror.

To quote the musical Oklahoma:

Ev’rythin’s up to date in Kansas City
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!

Update: Always resourceful Hyperblogal suggests putting clown cozies on the metal plates to brighten up our streets a little.

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Some production notes: this will conclude my ground–breaking series on this subject. I received requests not to link self-respecting bloggers to posts of this nature, all I can say is some people don’t recognize greatness when they see it. I would also take requests for subjects you’d like me to cover in the future.
The last installment will just tie up some loose ends. Enough with crappy puns, we are moving on to the subject of:

Public restrooms.

The one thing that stands out about public restrooms is that there weren’t that many. There were few maintained by the city in the parks and other public places and that was it. Public restrooms were just as dirty, nasty and smelly as you would imagine. But so were every dark corner and every hallway in apartment buildings that couldn’t be locked. Citizens who did not exercise total control over their bladders and bowel movements found other ways to express themselves. The stench was legendary. The problem was made worse by the fact that there was no fast food or other public places where a person could stop by in case of emergency. Even some popular comedies and jokes of that time depicted someone knocking on the random apartment door and offering money just to be able to use the restroom. Every soviet citizen got the joke. I myself was in a similar situation, although it didn’t seem that funny when I had to do it.
After the perestroika many public bathrooms became privatized. Newly minted attendants collected a fee, dispersed toilet paper, cleaned and freshened the air. 20th century luxuries finally made it into the USSR but the country didn’t last very long after that. Maybe the whole foundation of the Soviet system was based on the toilet hardship.

Epilogue:

Long time ago I realized that my daughter cannot pee without a toilet. As a father I am not sure how to explain the process and describe what needs to be done. I tried to talk my (then) wife into teaching this necessary life skill to a child but all I got is a shrug. I am awaiting in horror when during one of our driving trips we would not be able to find a restroom. On one hand, I am glad the the restroom problem is solved here and my kid will not to have to use one of the smelly, nasty and slimy restrooms of my youth. On the other hand…

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It’s true what they say: eating sausage is like riding a bicycle, do it slow and everything will be OK. For years I was longing for a firm piece of sausage that would taste like real meat. Industrial sausages are like marital aids – they may have the right look and size but they just don’t taste right. Finally I got tired of living with mediocre impostor sausages, the time was right to visit Krizman’s House of Sausage in Kansas City, KS (<–click on the link for the address to magically appear).
Finding Krizman’s is pretty easy. Moving North on the 6th street, go past “Fat Matt’s Vortex”.

This view on the right is a good sign you are on the correct track.

Slow down by the VFW post.

Right by the tattooed chick…

…turn left into the parking lot.

If you are driving past this…

…you missed it.
Just to reiterate, this should be the view ahead of you…

…and this is where you came from.

According to this site, Krizman’s has been making the real sausages since 1939. The assortment is not mind-boggling and the Polish sausage seems to be the item most women people want. If you are lucky, Vice President Joe Krizman himself will weigh you several hefty links of this delicious sausage. While I was in the store they were packing a special order of sausage to be shipped off to California where the sausage seems to be in high demand but there is an unexplained abundance of tacos.

Krizman’s Polish Sausage costs just little over $4/lb leaving no excuse to munch on a limp corporate sausage.

For those who crave some exotic sausages they offer blood sausage and other unusual varieties, but I am just a traditional Polish sausage guy.

On the way home I took a few pictures of this church with an Orthodox Christian-looking cupola…

…and a view of the downtown worthy of showing to people who will never visit this area.

Leaving Kansas City,KS I thought that Krizman’s should call themselves Joyeria to better reflect on the small pleasures they share with the sausage lovers everywhere.

Fresh sausage calling my name from the back seat of my car, I drove home to enjoy the rest of my day.

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Queue the soundtrack:

[audio:https://www.kcmeesha.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/21-Along-The-Santa-Fe-Trail.mp3]

Long time ago, when the native prairie didn’t yet need to be restored…

…and the Santa Fe Trail wasn’t a tourist attraction…

…the Barlow-Sanderson Overland Mail Company was operating a stage line from Missouri to California, stopping at the Mahaffie Farm in Olathe to rest.

150 years later a local sculptor recreated the stagecoach in a full-scale bronze sculpture “Going West”.

The sculpture stands out for its attention to detail, from the tackle on the horses, to the people in the scene, who were apparently modeled after some Mahaffie employees.

Free-standing figures add another dimension to the scene.


This sculpture represents Olathe  among the other cities with monumental art like Dallas’ famous Cattle Drive.

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Videos of a 93-year-old lady cooking Great Depression-era meals are making multiple rounds on the Internet. While I liked the videos, I thought to myself: what do you people eat that makes these meals look like poor man’s food to you? I watched a few and didn’t see anything that I wouldn’t normally cook and eat on a regular non-depression day. Some of my favorite foods are simple, few-ingredient recipes that are easy to cook and hard to screw up. Low cost comes as a bonus, not a goal. Are XO Burgers or Greg’s Fried Chicken supposed to be Depression foods? Certainly not! Yet I bet they cost less than 2 dollars per serving.  Here is another recipe that doesn’t cost a lot and is easy to cook:

Ingredients:

• meat (beef, pork, if chicken – use dark meat)
• potatoes
• tomato paste
• cabbage (optional)
• salt,pepper,bay leaf

Pour a little bit of oil (olive or not) into your dutch oven or a heavy pot. Cut some onions (I used 1.5 medium onions) and saute them on a medium-low heat until they are soft and brown(ish) for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, cut your meat in a bite-size chunks. You don’t want them to be too big (you may tend to overestimate your “bite-size”  and make your meat too big to fit in your mouth), nor do you want to cut it too small (you won’t be able to taste your meat). When onions are ready, move them to one side of the pot and raise the heat to medium or little higher. In the free space, brown your meat in batches, keeping an eye on the onions and not letting them burn. Do not dump all the meat at once, it will not brown properly, instead releasing unsightly liquid. When the first batch is browned, mix it with onions, move to the side and proceed with other batches as necessary. Add salt, pepper and bay leaf. You could brown your meat in a separate skillet, but remember that dishes don’t wash themselves. Now add cubed potatoes and mix it all up. Skip the next step if you were born and/or raised in America. Add about half of a medium cabbage, sliced. Americans, get back on board here. Add 1 tablespoon of tomato paste. You can also use salsa if you wish. Lower the heat, cover and cook until potatoes (and cabbage) get soft, mixing periodically. If you notice that your food is burning on the bottom, add a little water. That’s it. Delicious meal  in no time and for almost no money.

Remember: a pound of hot dogs costs more than a pound of chicken. You don’t need to be on food stamps to start eating delicious cheap meals. Of course when you “claim your check now” (actual advertisement from my Yahoo Messenger is on the left) you can go back to eating lobster, until then – stop eating crap.

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