This morning couldn’t come fast enough. I haven’t had a date for a long time and ever since I saw the sign with his name on it I couldn’t get it out of my mind. When it was finally lunchtime I ran downstairs with my car keys in hand and within a few minutes I was approaching the building where it was going to happen.

O, how I longed for this minute. My heart was beating faster and faster. There was no way this date could go wrong. With the name like Reuben, I knew he wouldn’t disappoint. All the signs where pointing to the place where we will finally meet.

My heart was pounding and the things happening with my mind and body could only be understood by an experienced medical professional. I timidly approached the counter and whispered: “Reuben, please”. The wait was becoming unbearable. I had to run outside to see if he was ready.

He was getting dressed. My lips were smacking in anticipation. I ran back inside.

Then out again.

This was starting to feel like torture. Sweet, sweet torture. I was ready to explode. Finally he was mine. I stared lustily, he was all there – seductively spread in front of me, on a slightly grilled hoagie roll, covered with slices of thick-cut pastrami, cheese, sauerkraut and topped with the thousand island dressing, so hot, steamy and beautiful.

His smell took over my car turning it into a prison of anticipation and impatience. We still had to get back to my place. I couldn’t keep my eyes on the road.

I couldn’t think of anything else, I just wanted to touch this hot mess with my lips, swollen with desire. I don’t remember much of the ride. Finally we were alone.

The short ride helped me regain my senses. I wanted this to last as long as I could, and this I could control for a change.

I could, of course, dig in face first, impatiently devouring my beloved Reuben, tearing into the hot dog, pastrami, roll, taking greedy bites until nothing was left. Or I could take it slow, savoring a bite after delicious bite. The choice was hard. Maybe I should’ve made it a threesome so I could experience it in every way. I chased impure thoughts out of my head.

Slowly I started to cut it in small pieces. Sauerkraut juices mixed with dressing were getting me even more excited. O, what a pleasure every small bite was. I could do this for hours.

Finally it was over. I thought about smoking a cigarette but then remembered that I quit 13 years ago. Reuben almost made me get back to the old habit. I listened to the music instead.

“The best four dollar date I ever had” I thought to myself making imaginary smoke rings, “I wouldn’t mind doing this again”
Hot Dog Haven, Armour Rd. Kansas City,MO.

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People don’t come to this here blog for good photos, so I have a reputation to uphold. This post contains plenty of mediocre photos of South Beach, photos just like you would take on your own trip with your hundred dollar camera. And that’s my goal: feel free to show these photos to your friends and relatives as your own, and if you are really fancy you can insert yourself in any of those for a complete effect.

South Beach has the air of authenticity that is hard to find anywhere in the United States. Thanks to the genius idea to preserve the Art Deco district, one could easily imagine how this place looked 40-50 years ago. If you are in town for a day or two, this is the place to be. Stay in an old hotel and spend your time sightseeing; sitting on a beach is overrated.

For the first 22 years of my life I didn’t care about directions. Someone gave me a compass once but I never figured out how to use it. And why would I need to? All my travelling was done with someone else driving, piloting or engineering (or however you refer to driving a train). Now, when I have my own steering wheel to turn, the directions are important and indispensable. If you can find South on the map you can visit the Southeastern part of Kansas – an oasis of greatness bordering by the depressed and hostile Southwestern Missouri and Northeastern Oklahoma.

Just take Hwy 7 towards historic Paola, KS and Osawatomie, KS – home-base of John Brown, famous abolitionist and the leader of the Pottawatomie Massacre (it’s hard to refer to the killing of five people as a “massacre”, but everything has to be over-dramatized in the American history so just roll with it). These two towns are fine destinations on their own, but if you keep moving south you will find no less interesting sightseeing in the Linn County and beyond.
For example, Linn County courthouse in Mound City.

Not that long ago a person’s love for technology required substantial physical strength. Nowadays anyone can show up on a date carrying a laptop or an iPod. Here is what it would have looked like about 25 years ago.

It was so long ago that this guy

still looked like this:

More old cutting edge technology can be seen here (ignore the Russian text).

In Johnson County, it’s mandatory for the candidates with foreign-sounding names to be photographed draped in the American flag. Just in case…