This morning couldn’t come fast enough. I haven’t had a date for a long time and ever since I saw the sign with his name on it I couldn’t get it out of my mind. When it was finally lunchtime I ran downstairs with my car keys in hand and within a few minutes I was approaching the building where it was going to happen.
O, how I longed for this minute. My heart was beating faster and faster. There was no way this date could go wrong. With the name like Reuben, I knew he wouldn’t disappoint. All the signs where pointing to the place where we will finally meet.
My heart was pounding and the things happening with my mind and body could only be understood by an experienced medical professional. I timidly approached the counter and whispered: “Reuben, please”. The wait was becoming unbearable. I had to run outside to see if he was ready.
He was getting dressed. My lips were smacking in anticipation. I ran back inside.
Then out again.
This was starting to feel like torture. Sweet, sweet torture. I was ready to explode. Finally he was mine. I stared lustily, he was all there – seductively spread in front of me, on a slightly grilled hoagie roll, covered with slices of thick-cut pastrami, cheese, sauerkraut and topped with the thousand island dressing, so hot, steamy and beautiful.
His smell took over my car turning it into a prison of anticipation and impatience. We still had to get back to my place. I couldn’t keep my eyes on the road.
I couldn’t think of anything else, I just wanted to touch this hot mess with my lips, swollen with desire. I don’t remember much of the ride. Finally we were alone.
The short ride helped me regain my senses. I wanted this to last as long as I could, and this I could control for a change.
I could, of course, dig in face first, impatiently devouring my beloved Reuben, tearing into the hot dog, pastrami, roll, taking greedy bites until nothing was left. Or I could take it slow, savoring a bite after delicious bite. The choice was hard. Maybe I should’ve made it a threesome so I could experience it in every way. I chased impure thoughts out of my head.
Slowly I started to cut it in small pieces. Sauerkraut juices mixed with dressing were getting me even more excited. O, what a pleasure every small bite was. I could do this for hours.
Finally it was over. I thought about smoking a cigarette but then remembered that I quit 13 years ago. Reuben almost made me get back to the old habit. I listened to the music instead.
“The best four dollar date I ever had” I thought to myself making imaginary smoke rings, “I wouldn’t mind doing this again” Hot Dog Haven, Armour Rd. Kansas City,MO.
So I was driving around yesterday, getting some bugs embedded in my windshield on the rural highways of Kansas. Now is a time to do it: it’s not too hot to roll the windows down and let the smell of prairie spring fill the stuffy cabin of your car, turn the radio full-blast and hit full speed hoping that the local Barney Fife is relaxing after the church on Sunday. The sheer size of Kansas is hard to comprehend, several hours of driving is still a local trip and although it’s mostly endless farmland, there are many points of interest along the way.
But first things first – a Lawrence strip-club now features an Ed Hardy room. Gentlemen, start your engines!
Little further down the road there is an establishment called “Tee Pee”:
One of the “tee pees” is marked with flood marks from various years on the nearby Kansas River.
Turning North on Hwy 59 it’s a short drive to Oskaloosa, KS – home of the Old Jefferson Town – a collection of old buildings and structures moved to one place from all over Jefferson County.
There is a school and a church, a lonely bandstand replica…
…a rusty bridge…
…and a jail where a local Otis Campbell could’ve spent a night or two.
Today Sam Peppard would’ve been able to sail right to the next fence. Kansas ain’t what it used to be…
Oskaloosa City Square is not very different from other small Kansas towns like Burlingame or Ottawa.
People in the 19th century believed in stability so much that they didn’t hesitate to chisel the word “Bank” on the building. Bank wasn’t moving anywhere.
They would be surprised to see a “Chunkie Dunker’s” diving pig occupying one of the windows.
Although “lending with a heart” is still residing in the building.
An old water tower dominates every view.
Masons built this building in 1886.
HWY 92 is being guarded by the local post of the American Legion (brought to you by Coors).
Overlooking the shores of the Perry Lake , the city of Ozawkie,KS is mostly famous for its sign.
Nearby you can grab a monster burger…
… and get a New Kids on The Block -styled haircut from the stylist/owner Gail Dillenbeck.
Is it me or is it really the State of Texas hanging over the cowboy on the right?
Valley Falls turned out to be a neat little town, with its own downtown…
…where “Buy American!” turned into local “Shop Valley Falls 1st”.
No New Kids on The Block here, Punk cuts hair in this town.
Valley Falls has its share of historic buildings…
…but many are no longer in use…
…and wrenches are not clanging anymore behind the friendly window signs.
Here is a piece of unsolicited advice to the KC Star: you want people to buy your paper? Name it “The Vindicator”. You can’t not subscribe to “The Vindicator”.
Cows are peacefully grazing where the Battle of Hickory Point once raged.
Nowadays there is no time for battle, Kansas Farmers are busy feeding “128 people + you”, or did “Kansas Agri Women” figure this out when we were all still skinny?
And why fight if this is what you see out of your window every morning.
Day tours to Colonia available for purchase in Argentina from a variety of sources such as Buquebus include a round-trip on a ferry, a dinner, a tour and transportation around the city. There is not much of a tour (luckily our guide was fluent in English), dinner is average and the transportation is hardly necessary – the historic part of town is perfectly walkable and is close enough to the port. The big difference is the ferry: a newer ferry can make the trip across the river in one hour and the older one takes 3 hours. Since we bought our trip the night before, the faster, more expensive boat was sold out so we took the three-hour tour. My suggestion would be to get on the faster ferry if possible, forgo the dinner and the tour, and explore the town and find food on your own.
The ferry is nice and comfortable and due to a sell-out we were upgraded to the first class seats automatically and for free. Interestingly, at the passport control in both ports the Argentinian and Uruguayan border officials are sitting side-by-side, stamping your passport with both exit and entry stamps (no visa is required for the US citizens), so you don’t have to go through the procedure again upon arrival.
If you have a free day in your itinerary, I would highly recommend a trip to Colonia. There is something charming (I am pretty sure this is the first and likely the last time the word charming is used on this blog) about this town with old cobblestone streets leading to the river; with brightly painted ancient buildings; with a weird mix of trees lining the streets where palms, cacti, and aloes are just as common as European varieties; with numerous restaurants and souvenir shops; with antique cars parked on the streets just for looks, and even nicely preserved Soviet cars. Colonia beckons you to wonder around, explore, take photos, see the sunset, have a coffee at one of the outdoor tables near a restaurant, or just relax watching the boats on the river. On the day we visited Colonia the weather changed from overcast to rain to sunny and the following photos reflect that. Overall, it was probably the most enjoyable side-trip during our visit to Argentina.
On January 21 all that’s left from the “progressive humanity” (mainly two bloggers in Kansas City and a couple of drunks in Moscow) remember Vladimir Lenin who died on this date in 1924. I wrote about Lenin and his preserved body a time or two, but recently while looking for some video I ran into something that truly made me want to gauge my eyes out. Due to graphic and disgusting nature of the video showing some work being done on the Lenin’s corpse I am not embedding it here, if you feel that you need to see it, follow the link.
Below is the video of the Kremlin Regiment Honor Guard near the Lenin’s Tomb. I could totally march like this but didn’t have the looks, the height and the weight, and I talk too much.
Readers of this blog submitted far better captions than the underwhelming A/C advertisement from the company which is famous for annoying the radio listeners with various renditions of its jingle. I may not be an expert on puns but if you used “hot wife-hot wife” combination, doesn’t it follow that your wife will be less hot when you fix the A/C and it’s in your best interest to keep the A/C not working or you would have to go back to seeing you plain ol’ nothot wife? By the way, the caption contest is open for another week.
I saw this sign yesterday:
I wonder who is the ad-wizard who came up with this one? At the time when “unusual banking” already helped you lose your job, your house, your savings and pension, maybe some usual banking is in order now? Like the kind the doesn’t bankrupt the country. Just an idea.
Lastly, things like this never get old (sorry for the quality, I recorded this from my TV screen):
httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebqvm9Nvv90
Update: I forgot that I had this photo of a t-shirt in the window of a local religious-supply store:
Here we see the Lord doing push-ups in his own gym with the cross representing “the sin of the world” on his back. The caption “bench press this” is confusing unless the t-shirt is hanging upside-down, then the Lord would be lying on the cross and bench-pressing the rock. I am just saying: Lord would know the difference between the push-up and bench-press, that’s all.
Here we see the Lord doing push-ups in his own gym with the cross representing “the sin of the world” on his back. The caption “bench press this” is confusing unless the t-shirt is hanging upside-down, then the Lord would be lying on the cross and bench-pressing the rock. I am just saying: Lord would know the difference between the push-up and bench-press, that’s all.
